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AtWork Joke: 11
| The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him
to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very
loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the
station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus
to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he
memorized it letter perfect.
Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at
all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
"Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the
Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust
your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."
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AtWork Joke: 12
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was
always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened
to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to
his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he
went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the
morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to
work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you
yesterday?"
AtWork Joke: 13
God Meets Bureaucracy
In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced
with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact
statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was
stymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at
the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first
place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded to
know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about
thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball
of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming
that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain a
building permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half the
time. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness
"Night." Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as manyseed."
The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, "Let waters
bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over
the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval from the
Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and
the Audubongelic Society.
Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in six
days. Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review the
application and the environmental impact statement. After that there would
be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before...
At this point God created Hell.
AtWork Joke: 14
"Jim will not be in today. He is not feeling himself. Thank you."
THIS MEANS:
1. He doesn't feel the way he usually does.
2. He is not in complete control of his hands.
3. His emotions are shattered.
4. His skin is numb.
5. He has transofrmed into an alter-ego (i.e. professional wrestler)
6. He is not feeling himself, in a biblical sense.
7. He has been covered in saran-wrap.
8. He is in an isolation tank.
9. He wanted to take a day off but couldn't come up with an actual illness
to fake.
10. He is feeling others.
:) by Jennifer Schmidt and Nick Gass
JenSch@aol.com
AtWork Joke: 15
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an
advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a
janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for
a person with your qualifications."
Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a
seat, we may have an opening."
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