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Animal Joke: 131
| Want some chicken?
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
him because he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He
speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed
the
chicken had three legs.
So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got
out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked
the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three
legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how
they tasted.
The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
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Animal Joke: 132
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse
falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go
and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to
the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's
Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He
then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
chicks.
Animal Joke: 133
As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming
as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after searching for
months, found the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn,
etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified "No
dogs." Rather than go on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not
tell the landlord about his dog (a golden retriever).All went well for
months. Except for one thing: the family that lived downstairs had a
rabbit that they kept in a cage in the garden area. One day, the
father of the family walked into the garden to find the dog scratching
at the cage, trying to get at the rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and complained. The landlord
threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being quite persuasive- and
punctual with rent checks- convinced the landlord to keep him and his
dog. On the condition that that Chuck keep his dog out of the garden
area. Months went by with no incidence. However, his girlfriend stayed
home sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the garden rule, let
the dog out.
Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found that the dog wasn't in the
house. He opened the back door, and there at the steps was his dog.
Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck panicked. Not wanting to
face certain eviction(and possible jail time), he took matters into
his own hands. He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair (OK he
was desperate) and carefully placed the rabbit back in the cage.
Natural causes, right? Nothing happened.
After an excruciating week, he finally approached his neighbor one
morning on the way to work. "How is everything?" asked Chuck. "We're
moving" replied the man. "This is a sick neighborhood." "Why? What
happened?" replied Chuck. The neighbor replied: "Some sick bastard dug
up our recently deceased rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put
it back in its cage."
Animal Joke: 134
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster
for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster
and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens....look at
what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a
hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens
over in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking
over!"
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you
around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken
coop."
The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just
to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!"
and the old rooster takes off running.
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.
They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only
about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits.
He sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought
this week!"
Animal Joke: 135
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.
"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"
"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"
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