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Animal Joke: 81
| A lawyer from New York was transfered to a small frontier town during
the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that
the town was populated solely by men.
He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the
urge for a woman?"
The cowboy replied, "See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go
git us one."
"That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer.
After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He
decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these
yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the
bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china
plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.
After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a
drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm.
The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys
turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.
The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm
some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm
just doing it with more class."
"That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's
gal you're with."
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Animal Joke: 82
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go duck hunting.
He tells his wife, "You've got three choices; you can go duck hunting
with me, I'll do ya anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna
load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get
back."
Hubby returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well what's it gonna
be?"
She say's, "There's no way I'm going duck hunting and you're not doing
my ass so I guess it's a blowjob."
A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says,
"Jesus, you taste like shit."
"Oh yeah," he replies, "The dog didn't want to go duck huntin'
either."
Animal Joke: 83
1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
conference.
Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
(Over 80% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
(58% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
(23% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
(3% of the hands were raised)
Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
(After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
Attendee: "I am from Australia."
Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
Animal Joke: 84
An English taxidermist is sweating his way through the Australian
outback when he comes across a bar. He staggers in between the beer
swilling locals and in his well educated voice asks the bartender,
"May I have a gin and tonic, please, my good man."
One of the locals says to his mates, "Geez, cobbers, what kind of a
fucking man's drink is that?"
Then, turning to the Englishman, "Hey! You! Yes you, you fucking Pom!
Gin and fucking tonic -- are you some fucking kind of a poofter or
something?"
"Ac...actually," the englishman, terrified, replies, "I'm a
taxidermist."
"Oh yeah? And what's a taxidermist then?"
"I mount d..d..dead animals."
"It's alright, cobbers," says the local, turning to his mates, "He's
one of us!"
Animal Joke: 85
Last time the circus came to town, an ad for an animal trainer was
placed in the local paper.
Only two applicants showed up: a male and a female.
The owner said he could only afford one animal trainer, so he would
choose the one with the best act.
At first glance it appeared that the female was much better prepared,
since she came to the interview in a very long flowing cape, with a
whip & chair. She looked more like a model than a trainer.
The man's only distinguishing feature was a soggy cigar stuffed
between his cracked and leathery lips.
The owner asked who would like to go first, and the man said, "Ladies
before Gentleman."
So the lady asked for her special music to be played, and once the
music started she entered the cage with a flurry of whip snapping. She
motioned the attendant to release the tiger.
The tiger leaped into the cage snarling. The young lady threw aside
her whip, tossed back her cape and sat on the chair as naked as the
day she was born.
The tiger then circled her, sniffing the air,... then suddenly leaped
toward her, put its face between her legs and started licking. She
threw back her head moaning, holding the tiger by the ears with her
thighs. She rode on the tiger's face all around the cage.
Then the owner looked at the man and said, "That's quite an act,...
Think you can do better than that?"
The man spit out his cigar, licked his lips and said, "No problem,
just get that tiger out of the cage!
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