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Animal Joke: 66
| A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty
22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear,
takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, "No
one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can
rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend
over, and I'll do you in the ass."
The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his
trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and
staggers back into town. He's pretty mad.
He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same
bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A
moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
"You know what to do."
Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town,
and buys a bazooka. Now he's really mad. He returns to the forest,
sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks
him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over
him and says,
"You're not doing this for the hunting, are you?"
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Animal Joke: 67
Warning - English Joke!
UK-US Translation Guide:
"Aussie" = Australian
"Shag" = To have sex with
An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a
male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a
year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the
koala senseless.
"Lucky bastard!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag
myself. "
One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.
"Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.
"Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk,
love, while I shag this koala."
Animal Joke: 68
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road
strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a
cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A
farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed
your rooster, please allow me to replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
Animal Joke: 69
Ventriloquist: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
Farmer: This dog don't talk!
Ventriloquist: Hey dog, how's it going?
Dog: Doin alright
Farmer: (Extreme look of shock)
Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at farmer)
Dog: Yep.
Ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
takes me to the lake once a week to play.
Farmer: (Look of disbelief)
Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your horse?
Farmer: Horses don't talk!
Ventriloquist: Hey horse, how's it goin?
Horse: Cool.
Farmer: (an even wilder look of shock)
Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at farmer)
Horse: Yep.
Ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the
elements.
Farmer: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?
Farmer: (gesticulating wildly, and hardly able to talk)...... Them
sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!
Animal Joke: 70
Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn,
licking his balls.
One guy says to the other, " Man, I sure wish I could do that".
The other guy says, " Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"
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